Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Joy of the Scripture

Did you know that the Bible is a hoax created by Jews to enslave non-Jewish people? Neither did I until I read Andrea's careful debunking of the Bible. Then, I tried to see if most of her claims about the Bible pan out. And sadly, most of them don't. Damn.

The list is endless and it is so glaringly obvious what was done. Now, we all know the Nazarene is fictitious. The Jews themselves know it and don't believe in him as he is a lie based upon some 20+ crucified "saviors" stolen from Gentile pantheons around the world.
Though Andrea cites no source for this, I'm willing to bet money it's probably based on The World's Sixteen Crucified Saviors by Kersey Graves, probably by way of Acharya S, whom Andrea lists as a source in her reference list as the bottom of the page. Graves has some interesting points to make (there are a lot of interesting similarities between Jesus and other left-death-rebirth deities) but his thesis is, at best, an extreme oversimplification and at worst, an extreme distortion. A summary for his weaknesses from an atheist point of view can be read here and one from a Christian point of view can be found here.

Jewish monotheism was stolen from Egyptian Akhenaton ... The Jewish creation was stolen from the Egyptian Creation.
The first claim is a popular theory, but an unproven one. Supporters of the theory point out the Jewish scripture claims that the Jews were slaves in Egypt for years, so maybe they got the idea from the eccentric pharaoh, Akhenaton. Is that possible? Sure. Likely? Ehhhh... There are plenty of obstacles to proving this theory one way or another, the biggest being that we don't know much about either Moses or Akhenaton. (In Moses' case, because it's hard to prove that anyone other than kings from that time actually lived and in Akhenaton's because the later Pharaohs thought of him as the black sheep of the family, and not in a good way.)

As for the second claim, I suppose that's a matter of opinion. If you want to talk about the similarities between Biblical and pagan accounts, you would be on firmer ground pointing out the similarities between the tale of the flood in the Book of Genesis and the Babylonian, Enûma Eliš.

The "firmament in the midst of the waters…" was stolen from the Egyptian Creation.
The word given for the waters in Hebrew ("Tehom") is a cognate of the Akkadian, Tiamat, and Andrea focuses on this? Wow, talk about missing a golden opportunity.

(As a side note, I'd really like to know what the Babylonians, Canaanites, and Hebrews had against the sea. Whether it's Tiamat, Yam-Nahar, Lotan, Leviathan, Tannin or Rahab, sea divinities are evil, chaotic and destined to be destroyed by bigger stronger gods.)

Adam and Eve were stolen from the Egyptian Geb and Nut ... Adam and Eve's punishment and loss of immortality were stolen from the Mesopotamian story of Adapa.
The latter claim (about Adapa) is right on the money. The former, not so much. I'm failing to see the similarities. In Egyptian religion, Geb and Nut fell in love, but failed to consult their grandfather, Ra, for his permission before they got together. Ra got mad and ordered that they be separated. There was no myth about them being expelled from a Garden or being created from dust or the others' rib.

Eve coming from Adam's rib was stolen from the Epic of Enki and Ninhursag: "My brother what hurts thee? "My rib hurts me" ANET, 41. Ninti who's name means "Lady of the Rib" cured Enki's rib.
Hey, this is actually right! And it doesn't come from Egypt! Will wonders never cease...

Jewish Samson was stolen from Heracles.
The most frustrating thing about this damn website is that no one ever elaborates. I guess I'll do it for them. Both Heracles and Samson were really strong, died pretty nasty deaths and had no luck with women. There's more, of course, but since this is one of the more sane things JoS has to say on this page, I'll leave it at that.

The putting out of his eyes is based on Oedipus.
That's not a bit of a stretch, that's a humongous stretch. Oedipus gouged out his own eyes with his mother's brooch when he finds out he killed his father and married his mother. Samson's eyes were put out by the Philistines with hot pokers. Other than losing eyes, I'm failing to see (hahaha, get it?) many similarities.

The pulling down of the pillars was stolen from the Egyptian tale about Re-Herakhte
JoS sites a source for this one, and luckily for me, it's a text in the public domain. I was able to download a copy for free to see if what they say pans out. The verdict: It doesn't. T. W. Doane compares the pillars that Heracles completed to repent for killing his wife and children with the pillars that Samson pulled down in the temple of Dagon. I searched the entire PDF for "Re-Herakhte; its correct spelling, "Re-Harakhte" and "pillars" and came up with zilch. Where does this story come from?

The Jewish story of Jacob and the Ladder was stolen from the Egyptian Funerary Rituals for the deceased King/
The ladder of Nut, Maqet, was used by Osiris to enter the heavens and was placed in tombs for protection. Jacob's Ladder, arguably, was a ladder to the heavens that Jacob saw while fleeing from his brother, Esau. The symbolism of the ladder is disputed, through only the most literal of fundamentalists seem to interpret it as an actual ladder.

Jewish Moses was stolen from several Gods and kings, depending on what stage of his life story:
* Sargon (the birth and abandonment in the river, being rescued by royalty, etc
I could write a book on the amount of heroes throughout myth and modern fiction who were of obscure birth, or grew up without the benefit of parents. Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker anyone? Not unusual. At all.

The wanderings in the desert were based upon the Sun-God Bacchus as seen in the Hymns of Orpheus.
Bacchus was not a sun god. He was a god of agriculture, wine, grapes, ritual madness and ecstasy. The gods of the sun in Greek and Roman myth were Apollo and Helios/Sol.

Orpheus' hymn to Bacchus goes something like this:
Bacchus I call, loud-sounding and divine,
Fanatic God, a two-fold shape is thine:
Thy various names and attributes I sing,
O, first-born, thrice begotten, Bacchic king:
Rural, ineffable, two-formed, obscure,
Two-horned, with ivy crowned, euion, pure:
Bull-faced, and martial, bearer of the vine,
Endued with counsel prudent and divine:
Triennial, whom the leaves of vines adorn,
Of Jove and Proserpine, occultly born.
Immortal daemon, hear my suppliant voice,
Give me in blameless plenty to rejoice;
And listen gracious to my mystic prayer,
Surrounded with thy choir of nurses fair.

I don't see the similarities. Anyone?

The Hebrew stint of "40 years in the desert" claimed in the Jewish book of Exodus and the subsequent "40 day and 40 nights" wanderings in the desert of the Jewish Nazarene were stolen from:
"The struggle of Set and Horus in the desert lasted forty days, as commemorated in the forty days of the Egyptian Lent, during which time Set, as the power of drought and sterility, made war on Horus in the water and the buried germinating grain....These forty days have been extended into forty years, and confessedly so by the Jews."
The struggle between Set and Horus lasted for eighty years, not forty days. Those so inclined to learn more about the similarities between Osiris and Jesus should read this web page and this paper, which was, strangely, written by a famous Christian minister. So much for the JoS' contention that Christians want to keep this under wraps at all costs...

Jewish Joshua was stolen from the Egyptian Deities Shu and Nun.
Joshua (or in Hebrew, Yehoshua) was Moses' successor and the hero of Jericho. I've never heard of a deity called Nun, so I'll guess that JoS were referring to Shu and Nut. Shu was a primordial Egyptian god of air, while Nut (daughter of Shu) was a goddess of the sky. Similarities? I dunno.

Jewish Deborah was stolen from the Egyptian Goddess Neith.
Neith was a goddess of water, women, death, war and weaving, sometimes named as the mother of Apep and Ra. Deborah (meaning bee) was a prophetess who lead her people in war against the armies of Jabin, king of Hazor.

Similarities? Well... They were both female (usually; sometimes Neith is depicted as androgynous) and associated with war. Other than that... I dunno.

Jewish Noah was stolen from Sumerian Ziusudra. The fictitious Jewish God Yaweh in the Noah story replaced the Sumerian God Enlil, aka Beelzebub
Sort of. No comment. Yes. And No. This is refreshing since it does seem that these stories have similarities. The claim jumps off the track though with their claim about Enlil. It seems that Ziusudra's actual guardian may have been Enki, not Enlil, though Ziusudra does pray for mercy from An and Enlil later on. And the claim about Beelzebub = Enlil? Crap. Beelzebub (or Baal Zebub) was probably a god of the Philistines, not the Sumerians.

Noah's son Jewish Ham was stolen from Belus.
I'm not sure what Belus the Jos clergy are referring to, but I'm going to assume it's Marduk. If so, I'm baffled again. Did Marduk ever see his father naked?

Jewish Nimrod was stolen from the Egyptian Pharaoh Sesostris
Nimrod was the supposed builder of the Tower of Babel. According to Herodotus, Sesostris was a Pharaoh of Egypt who conquered the entire world. Sesostris is a legendary figure only and one of the most common theories was that he was a composite of Seti I and Ramses II. Similarities? Not much. If you're looking for parallels with Nimrod, one would be better advised to look into Mesopotamian mythology, seeing as Nimrod was described as a Mesopotamian king and all.

Jewish Abraham was stolen from King Hariscandra of the Hindu Sankhayana-Sutras Jewish Isaac was stolen from King Hariscandra's son Rohita The fictitious Jewish God Yaweh in this story replaced the Hindu God Varuna.
Abraham was supposed to come from Ur in Mesopotamia and the JoS are looking for parallels in Hinduism? Talk about missing the bleeding obvious...

Jewish character Daniel was stolen from Egyptian Neferti.
The similarities between these two? Hmmm.... They both made prophecies which may or may not have been thinly-veiled political propaganda.

The "Twelve Tribes of Israel" like the Twelve Disciples of Christ are based upon the twelve signs of the Zodiac.
As hokey as this sounds, there actually might be something to it.

Jewish Lot and his wife were stolen from the Greek Orpheus and Eurydice.
I can see the similarities too! A couple gets separated... and um... That's it. I don't think Lot ever went looking for his wife in the underworld and Orpheus apparently never had sex with his daughters. Lot didn't even seem to miss his wife that much. What a jerk.

Jewish Jacob and Jewish Esau were stolen from Horus and Set.
Let me get this straight... The Jews needed to steal myths about family rivalry from the Egyptians? They had no first-hand experience with fights over inheritance rights?

Jewish Rebekah was stolen from The Egyptian Goddess Isis.
Weeeeelll... Isis and Osiris were portrayed as brother and sister in Egyptian mythology. In the book of Genesis, Isaac briefly pretends that Rebecca is his sister.

Jewish story of Joseph and Potipher's (sic) wife stolen from Egyptian Anubis and Bata.
This is another claim that has something to it, since both involve false accusations of rape (or attempted seduction) against innocent men.

"The Ten Plagues" against Egypt were grossly exaggerated and altered and stolen from the Ipuwer Papyrus.
This is what happens when you look up information about Biblical scholarship and then read the page upside down. The Ipuwer Papyrus may have be a reference to the Ten Plagues, but it also might have been nothing more than Ancient Egyptian soul-searching about the problem of evil. Some theologians and biblical scholars have cited this as proof of the Ten Plagues, but none claim that the Hebrew Bible ripped it off.

The Ten commandments was stolen from The Code of Hammurabi Jewish Yaweh replaces the Sumerian Sun God Shamash aka Azazel.
The first part of this is true: there are a lot of similarities between the Ten Commandments and the Code of Hammurabi. It runs off the tracks quickly for several reasons:

* The Code of Hammurabi was a Babylonian document, not a Sumerian one.
* Shamash was a Babylonian god, not a Sumerian one
* Azazel = Shamash = muy stupid. Azazel was a Judaic angel associated with atonement, goats, makeup and war. Shamash was a Babylonian god of sun and justice. It's interesting, though, that Samson's similarities to Shamash are not discussed. Heck, this is one case where similar names actually have a common source.

Jewish David killing Philistine Goliath were stolen from Thor throwing a hammer at Hrungnir and striking him in the forehead.
And the Jews and the Norse first met... When?

The Jewish Job was stolen from Ugaritic Keret and Jewish Yaweh replaces the God "El." ... The Jewish "Job," was stolen from a story written in the Ugaritic language (Cuneiform Script), composed circa 1400 BCE by "Ilimilku The Scribe." This epic involves "Keret" and the God "El." NOT Job and Jehova. Keret's family tragedies and illness are comparable with the story of Job. In the original tale, "Satan" never even entered into the picture. Here, Jewish Jehova replaces El.
Thank God. Something else worth its salt.

The Jewish book of Proverbs, along with the writings in the book of Ecclesiastes were stolen from the Teachings of Egyptian Ptah-Hotep.
Try the Instructions of Amenemopet.

Jewish Mordecai stolen from the Babylonian God Marduk.
Reading Biblical criticism upside down again? A possible meaning of Mordecai is "servant of Marduk", but that's not surprising since Mordecai was supposed to have lived during the Babylonian captivity of the Jews. This does not mean Mordecai was a ripoff of Marduk.

Jewish Esther and the Jewish book of Esther was stolen from Ishtar, aka Astaroth, Astarte, Ashtar.
It's possible that Esther's name was derived from Ishtar (Akkadian for "evening star") but it's still more likely that Esther's name is related to the Median Astra (myrtle) and the Persian Setareh (star).

Myself, I'm intrigued more by something else. Median and Persian are Indo-European languages, right? And you know what star is in Latin? Astra. The similarities between the Indo-European and Semitic roots for star are apparently nothing more than false cognates, but it's interesting anyway.

The Jewish Virgin Mary "Queen of Heaven" was stolen from Astaroth.
This one actually has merit, but her name was Ashtoreth or Astarte. Astaroth was the spelling used by Christian demonologists. Interestingly, Astarte may have also been the inspiration for the Greek Aphrodite.

Jewish John the Baptist stolen from Anup, baptizer of Horus; both lost their heads.
The Jury is out on this one. Sorry kids.

Jewish Judas was stolen from Set. Jewish Matthew was stolen from Thoth. Jewish Thomas was stolen from Tammuz.
Okay, now this is just plain stupid. Judas betrayed Jesus. Matthew was a tax collector. Thomas was a doubter. I can see some parallels between Judas and Set as betrayers, but the others, I don't get.

"Like Jesus, the Greek God Hermes was also wrapped in swaddling clothing and placed in a manger, as was Dionysus."
The main myth of the birth of Hermes has to do with him stealing Apollo's cattle and giving him a lyre as a gift. Dionysus' mother died when his mother, Semele, saw Zeus in all his glory. Zeus rescued the fetal Dionysus by sewing him into his thigh. No manger was involved in either case.

As for swaddling clothing, Andrea seems unaware that swaddling was extremely common in ancient times and is still practiced today in some parts of the world. This was a mark of culture during a certain time and place. No one ever claimed that Jesus was unique because he was put in swaddling clothes.